also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
