You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
