his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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