he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
