She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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