47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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