you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
We have so much sex to catch up on
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
