don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
