You smell like a Billy Joel song
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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