You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
