This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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