either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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