Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Can you bring me the toilet please
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize