Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
