You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
