Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
