Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
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