Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
