My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
