i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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