he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
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