and my herpes radar will keep us safe
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Randomize
