The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
