i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
