I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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