we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I need to sanitize my soul.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
