dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
