I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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