No awkward lesbian experiences without me
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
