listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
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