Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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