i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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