Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
