shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Those nachos came to me in a dream
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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