oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
