i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize