We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Randomize
