i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
