Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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