I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
