so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
