i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
