i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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