Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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