I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
lets start a swedish sibling band together
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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