All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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