I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
