Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
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Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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