Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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