Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
