i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
