you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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