You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
