Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
