I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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