i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
