remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
