He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
